It started with a grumpy text - the midday ramblings of an overwhelmed heart and mind, the kind you might censor if you had the energy, but that slip out if you aren't paying close enough attention. I regretted it after I hit send, went off to a meeting, thought better of the day, gained perspective. And then, moments after returning to my desk, I saw this on the screen and I was grateful for someone who, though he swears he isn't good with words, could so very succinctly speak my language.
Begin. We'll begin with the small victories, and of course we will - the smallest ones are what keep us going when we are sure that the weight of the day, of the days piling on top of one another, will make it impossible for us to navigate through the trenches.
I said the word "negotiate" nearly one hundred times during a meeting today, and even though that's obviously an exaggeration, I realized when I left that I wasn't so much cringing at the over-usage as I was contemplating how much the language of my life outside of work has crept into those walls, too. Lately, I'm paying attention to the smallest of victories as a negotiation with myself - and agreement to find a way to begin even when I am unsure of the options. I am negotiating my sense of place, my voice, my next steps, and it isn't an act of compromise with anyone else but myself - a discussion between who I've been, who I am, and who I want to be.
I want to be someone who pays attention to what isn't said, but who is not blind enough to overlook what's right in front of me. We will begin with small victories.