Love is in the Air

Even if you aren't a big Valentine's Day person, there's something about February that still tugs us toward talking about love (for people, for things, for places, whatever it may be). I kind of love the nudge to remember old stories as well as new ones, and the minute I saw the February digital kit from Ali Edwards, I knew I wanted to go back in time and use one of our wedding photos. 

I love taking a digital embellishment like this banner chipboard piece and making them HUGE, and I love starting with words, so the right side of this layout came first. I'd initially left everything as-is except for the size, but once I'd picked out my photo, I knew I wanted more green than pink, something to echo the story of our shoes and my memory of that day, so I recolored the element to match (digitals for the win!).  For the left side of the page, I knew I wanted something behind the photo, so I started playing with patterning the digital chipboard, and making the journal cards larger to use their pattern as a base, and when I went to try out the striped 4x6 card this way, I accitdentally knocked the track pad and it flipped at an angle. The minute I saw those stripes running across the page, I knew I wanted more of them, creating an almost woven effect.  

I deleted the white background so that I'd be able to see the stripes through the stripes, and just placed the on the page going a few directions.  I ended up with them crossed in a way that made a kind of frame for my 4x4 photo to sit in the middle.  

For a little extra, I added a digital stamp to the corner of the photo, and topped it off with a physical chipboard embellishment from Ali's shop, as well as some detail stitching to give the banner a little something extra. 

I always make a birthday layout about my age, but this year's been a little tougher, so I've decided to wait until I am ready to tell that story.  That said, I really wanted to tell the small, but important story of our snowy drive that day. Using the same digital kit, I once again found myself with the perfect pieces, but needing a different color.  This winter has been so much snowier than we've had in a while, casting our days in so much blue light, and I wanted this layout to really capture that look and feeling.  We listening to the audio book version of Harry Potter all the way, so I used the words from the first chapter as the background to the awesome XO chipboard piece, and made the letters blue.  This piece was so great all by itself that I wanted it to be the focal point, so instead of putting my journaling on the same page, or a facing page, I tucked it behind, using the tag embellishment to loop some reason for easy access to the words.

If you've been wanted to add some new life to your supplies but can't bring yourself to add one more piece to your overflowing stash, these digitals are such an awesome (and obviously flexible way) to tell more stories with both style and fun.

Project Life 1.9 - 1.15

It's in the book!  My first "week" of Project Life for 2017 is done, and it feels simple, but good. It took all the G's to get it done (this head and chest cold is kicking me in the pants, and I wanted to throw in the towel on my Sunday work time), but it was so worth sitting down and completing the stories. 

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I used a full 6x8 photo on the back side of my intro page so that I wouldn't be wasting great real estate, and I love how it turned out. Celebrating the start of my 4th year with this project.

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I knew I wanted to put this quote front and center, so instead of adding it to a packet page, I punched it and used it on its own, clipped directly into the rings with a tab added to help with turning. This one was from my last kit with Feed Your Craft, "The Next Chapter".

On the back side, Elise was kind enough to let me share a little sneak of the next kit I designed for Feed Your Craft, "The View From Here" - and thank goodness, because it was just exactly right for this space. It's been such a tidal wave of emotions since losing mom, but the creating, the process of making, shores up my hear so much, and I can feel it shifting something inside of me for the better, even with the struggle. 

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Since I'm not numbering weeks this year, I stamped my date range directly onto a photo using the mega date stamp from Studio Calico. This week was full of hot baths and good food, lots of self care around these parts.

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I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little bit of grief shopping happening, and I was thrilled when I finally found this little Merryweather fairy figure I'd been looking for. She arrived just days after I bought her, and she's just the right kind of grumpy, chubby, stubborn magic my heart needs.

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Last, but not least, but gratitudes for the week, which I think I might always add in by way of a 3x8 card (using the front and back, one week as the ending, and one at the start). It was so nice to start this practice again.

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Was it the best, most interesting spread I've ever pulled together? No. Is it complete and colorful, and feeling like "me"? Heck Yes. Did I tell all my stories the way I'd like? Not fully, but I'm getting there.  GUTS. GRACE. GRIT. GRATITUDE.  I'll get there.

Guts, Grace, Grit, Gratitude

“Stories are like children. They grow in their own way.”

— Madeleine L'Engle

Here's what I realized when I started to write out my memory keeping plan for this year: not one bit of it is earth shattering.  I am not planning to use a size of album never used before, or write all of my stories in some ancient script that will one day need to be decoded, or only use two colors for every photo and layout, and there's very little chance that I will give up my precious foam pop dots, because well, dimension for the win, forever.  I am not trying to reinvent the wheel, I just want to be brave enough to move the one I've got. 

I took a short break from Project Life this fall, not because I stopped loving the project, but because with the transition to working from home on my creative career, mom growing sicker, and a variety of other projects on the books, I knew I'd be telling my stories in a myriad of other ways, and wanted to be a little more thoughtful with my time. I knew that although I LOVE the process of recording memories each week, during those months, it would, and did at first, become more of a "have to" which for me means stories that are just going through the motions of the shoulds over the wants.  

The best thing about a break is that it can give you clarity, just enough perspective to see clearly what becomes blurry when we're too close; we can so easily become farsighted to the truth while in the thick of it. I've got three years of traditional 12x12 Project Life under my belt, and I loved all of them. I am not coming here to say that there's one bit of anything wrong with that size or method, and there's a very good chance that I'll go back to it. I am not changing things up this year because my methods stopped working, but because my story is changing, and I'd like to give the stories I capture about those changes a chance to try on some different forms. The best thing about memory keeping is that we can change our minds; we can switch up our methods and still be capturing the complicated, messy, beautiful stories of our lives. I love that.

And if I warned you up front that what I'll be doing isn't earth shattering, let me solidify that now - I am not only not using a new fancy size, I am going with one that others have been using (and phasing out) for ages: 6x8. it's not new to me, of course, I use it for December Daily and Week in the Life, but never for Project Life, or never until now.

This year, my memory keeping plan is brought to you by the letter "G": guts, grace, grit, and gratitude. This, more than the size of my album, is where most of my shifting will take place.

If it isn't already painfully obvious by the length of this post, I am a wordy girl. My full layouts, my December Daily, Pigeon Post, blog posts (ahem), all packed with combinations of those 26 magical characters, and sprinkled with punctuation (all the commas for clauses all the time, please). Here's what I noticed sometime last year: the stories I was taking down in my Project Life grew shorter and shorter, and while length doesn't necessarily equate to a stories value, I could see that I was condensing out the truth of what was happening, and simply reciting the facts that matched up to the photos.  This year I want to have the guts to tell more, to not reserve what needs to be said for the larger spaces and pages, and to find ways to insert my big fat wordy truth into my weekly memory keeping again. 

One of the ways I find most cathartic and honesty inducing is to write letters to myself, a kind of epistolary love note to life as it is, but I always seem to reserve them for projects like WITL and DD without a firm reason.  This year I'll be writing a letter to myself at the end of every month and clipping it in my album so that I go back and read what I need to hear myself say whenever I want. Here's my first one: Dear You, Have the guts to say what you need to say, even if it will be hard to see and read later. Love, Me.  See?  Brevity can still be powerful, but the words we choose need the weight of truth to take hold. GUTS.

Oh man, I've talked so much about grace this year, that I'm honestly a little surprised it didn't end up as my word for 2017, but that doesn't mean it won't end up being a big part of everything I do. While I shared that I loved my method of Project Life so far, and I meant it, it doesn't mean it wasn't without its pain points. I would imagine, or maybe I am just hoping, that we all have these - the things that we love and want to work, but that really just don't, or maybe they do 80% of the time, but that other 20% makes us want to pull out clumps of hair and hide under a rock with a Hershey bar when they go awry. I've decided that this year, the 80% doesn't make that 20% worth it (I'm slow on the uptake), so I'm saying goodbye to what wasn't fully working, beginning with numbering my weeks. Holy moly, how after three years can I still accidentally mislabel at least three weeks a year and get things totally out of order, and why does it make me want to burn all my pages in effigy? I don't have an answer for that except to say that I did, and it did, and who has the time to be gnashing their teeth every time they make a mistake? Not this girl. GRACE. No numbering of weeks - in fact, though I plan to document regularly (more to come on that), my date ranges in spreads might be seven days, or five, or ten...I plan to be a regular rebel and group my chunks of time as I please - what's important to me is that they all get captured. GRACE. 

I am also letting go of my weird, nobody told me these, but I am carrying them around like constitution, rules. Oh yeah, at some point I made a declaration of what I could and couldn't do in my Project Life, because, boundaries make things better, right? Yeah, not always. Who in the heck told me that I couldn't add in inserts that weren't in page protectors, or incorporate multiple size pages and pieces, or use all the fun interaction tricks I seem to reserve for December Daily in my weekly memories? Oh, no one, you're guessing? Yeah, that's right, no one but me, so goodbye rules that make this project less fun than it could be. GRACE. If I want to just slip cards and photos in pockets for three months straight, hallelujah. If I want to embellish the crap out of every page making it necessary to have six albums for one year, hallelujah. If I want to add more hidden window interactive elements than a child's first board book, hallelujah. GRACE. It gets to be wild and ruleless, and a smaller size makes that a little easier for me to accomplish. 

A big part of success in anything is showing up, and I've found that I've done the best when I carve out time for a project, and make it a priority to keep coming back, even when it's the least convenient thing I can do. After a little experimenting, I've found that Sundays are my days for Project Life, it just seems to work for me, so I've carved out time in my schedule (two hours) every Sunday to make this happen. Some weeks I might be able to indulge in three, or fours, getting lost in a pile of paper at my big yellow table, and some weeks might mean really kicking into gear to even make those two hours possible, but I am committing now to make it happen, and I love a good commitment. This is also why some periods of time, which knowing me, I'll still call weeks, will only have three days captured, because I run out of time in my two hours, and some weeks might have eleven, making up for all the days in between. I'm still a girl who loves chronology though, so they'll likely all still go in order. No matter what, I'll show up, and I know I can do it. GRIT.

When I wrote about my first year completing Project Life albums here, I reflected on how much more the process made me pay attention to my life - there was an underlying gratitude in those albums of pictures and words. In the first year I made it a habit of noting what I was grateful for each week, a practice that I slowly phased out in the next two years, not because I wasn't grateful, but because I was noticing those things and calling attention to them in different ways. I'm not sure there's any wrong way to be grateful, but this year I am bringing back the practice of a list each week.  In this year, pulling out of one that ended in loss, I need the concrete reminder of what's working. GRATITUDE.

Whew. If you made it this far, I'd love to share a free downloadable file of my 2017 6x8 floral page (shown above).  You can find the file here: download.

Bigger

“My grief is tremendous but my love is bigger.”

— Cheryl Strayed

“It is with sorrow and gratitude that we celebrate the life of Marcia Lynn Edwards. A fearless and feisty woman, she lived her life with the mouth of a sailor, the heart of a saint, and the fire of a Phoenix rising, always, from the ashes of life’s defeats, making it possible for others to do the same. She made a home in herself for all those who were lost or weary, sharing her strength without asking anything in return. For all those who were lucky enough to have loved her, she will be missed more than words can say. She is survived by a tribe of family and friends who will carry her memory onward, and who ask, in lieu of flowers, that you please honor her life by sharing your resources, whether they be time, money, or love, with those most in need. ”

I've written two obituaries, both for the people who gave me life, so it's always seemed fitting that I use whatever words I can to muddle together something that would celebrate their lives. Here's what they don't tell you: no words are good enough to do that. We can come close, of course, and the attempt is honorable and important, at least to me, but we don't ever get it quite right, and thank god for that, because how could a jumble of characters ever put a person's complex and beautiful life on paper completely?

It's been a week now since mom died, and I've been thinking about what I'd want to share of her since the moment it happened, because though they may be imperfect, words are my way of making it through the world, through grief, and really, through love. 

Here's what I would tell you about my mother if you were sitting next to me: she was outrageously alive, even at the end when cancer was unforgiving, she was flawed and complicated, stubborn and unforgiving at times, mouthy and bold, but she was all these things with the heart of a self-aware, self-loving warrior.  She was not afraid of the parts of her that weren't shiny and smooth, no, she took them and made them into the cape with which she flew through the world. She took on one challenge after the next, one project, then another, she learned new skills and tasks before we'd even considered waking up for breakfast, and she made darn sure that if you wanted or needed help to do the same, she would not only cheer you on, but she would herself be the wheelbarrow that hits you behind the knees, tumbling you in, and carrying you forward. She was the voice for those who could not or would not speak, the legs for those who could not or would not walk, and the spirit that refused to be shuttered, regardless of the changing, often tumultuous winds.

My mother would not have wanted me to come to you and tell some sappy, drippy diatribe that made her sound angelic, and in fact, I can hear her groaning even now, urging me to just tell the truth. She was a truth teller, and accepted no less from anyones else, and when I think about all those signs that urge us to live our best lives, I think that her unflinchingly honest approach to making her way through this world is the most accurate form of that phrase in action that I've ever seen. She gave, and was, her best at every moment, never hesitating, never waiting for someone else's approval to go on. My mother, my brave and beautiful mother, went on. 

I've spent the week back home with family, crying, sharing stories, laughing unexpectedly, healing, doing the kind of grief work that tumbles you around like a rock in the river, slowly, slowly, slowly, smoothing out the edges that felt as if they'd always cut as sharp as they did the moment she left. When we tell her stories we find ourselves lost in the life of a true original, and I think, though none of us have said it out loud yet, it makes us all want to do a little better, to be a little bit more of who we are, who she loved; she made and makes us want to be...bigger. 

Grief is not new to me, nor is the loss of a parent, but she was more than my mother, more than anyone's mother, or wife, or daughter, or aunt, or friend, she was a force to be reckoned with, a ray of light and a bolt of lightning all at the same time, and I will miss every piece of her. 

The last time we were together she grew frustrated with me for being so agreeable, for being "fine" with so much, wishing I'd say what I wanted a little more, to, as she put it, fight for my life a little more. It wasn't the first time she'd asked me for this, it was one of the greatest ways we different, her too brave to ever not speak her mind, and me too concerned about others to really say what I wanted, or needed. I've been thinking about this because it might be the first and best way I can keep her close, and finally, finally, take on a little of her charge, to fight for my life just a little bit more with her spirit in my heart.

I'm so grateful for the support and care that'd been shown to me and my family these last few weeks, and really, these last few years as she fought. It's been such an incredible salve to our very tender hearts.

December Daily 2016: Days 19 - 25

I've come to the end after deciding to stop at day twenty-five this year, and though there has been so many incredibly tough moments, there has also been so much joy, and I am so grateful to have all of it. I don't have the energy for a full post, those my letter from the 25th says it all really, so if you're interested, I'd say it sums up what these last days have meant for me.

Thank you to all of you who came to look and read, who encouraged and supported me - I am eternally grateful.

December Daily 2016: Day 18

Day 18 comes care of finding a few old polaroids of myself during a very early Christmas, and finding a few packs of alpha stickers I'd been hoarding away for the past two years.

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In the spirit of using more of what I love, I wrote out a little sentiment at the top of the left page with the alphas, and then, inspired by the Letterfolk board company, and Cathy Zielske, I turned some of the letters into snowflakes for the right hand side.

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December Daily 2016: Days 13-17

I've let the posting of my progress fall woefully behind, so I think a nice simple slideshow is in order to catch up!

The Next Chapter

That crazy excitement and nervousness in my stomach can only mean one thing....release day! I don't know about you, but I am ready for the new year.  2016 was full of incredible, full hearted victories, big and small, but it was also full of some of the toughest times, and it brought me, again and again, to the point where I needed to remember that just being present and paying attention was what I needed in order to keep going.  

I knew I wanted the last kit of the year, the first one I'd use in the new year, to be about goals and dreams, to encourage me to take on whatever is next, but I also knew I wanted it to be real. A list of resolutions often leave me feeling simultaneously underwhelmed and overwhelmed. What I need is a kick in the pants some days, encouragement to show up and be in my life, and a reminder that just getting dressed and doing the work, even when it isn't the best, counts.  Heck, just getting dress counts most days.

The Next Chapter is a little bit of a kick in the pants reminder that you not only can do this, but you ARE doing this,  and just enough magic to help us dream up and then make real the life we want.

I've been using my kit to get my 2017 creative planner ready ( I LOVE reminders of words I want to keep close and pt into action).  

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With a little champagne colored embossing powder and a punched strip of paper, I made a simple bookmark to move through as the year goes on, as well as turning the flair into a fun, and practical page marker.

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What I'm really crazy about it using a scrap of transparency to create my own reusable note I can move between pages.  With a simple sample through one of the printable ephemera, I attached the scrap of clear transparency over the note sheet digital card from one of the printables, and I won't lie to you...I am totally smitten.

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I love that Elise includes the digital files for all the kits' cards, and I couldn't wait to print the rainbow digital card a little larger with the Neil Gaiman quite card on top. It's the perfect invitation into my creative planner, and really for me, to 2017.

I really hope you'll go take a look at the kit and order one for yourself - we are so incredibly grateful for your support.  I can't wait to use mine as a way to tell all my soon to be stories, and I'd love to see how you put yours into action, so please share what you make with it!

Don't forget to head over to Elise's blog for more inspiration, including links to her awesome Creative Team and their projects!